D. is back in town, and I’ll be seeing him presently. This feels strange, as I don’t quite know what to do or say. And the fact that I’m consistently nauseated makes me think that all I’ll be able to do when I see him is curl up on the couch and let him rub my back.

The small spaces… I talk about them all the time: places where we feel empowered and fully in control of our own lives and decisions. And loved, completely and unconditionally loved. With all the chaos and unpredictability in the world and all the times when our best-laid plans go awry, it’s necessary to have small spaces, and last night I was reminded we can find them in the least likely of places. Sometimes reconnecting with an old friend is all that’s needed to feel comfort again, and sometimes sitting and talking with someone who knows just how to listen is all that is needed to feel safe to enter into the journey of making difficult choices. And to hear I’ll be proud of you no matter what from someone who’s also been the rope in a tug-of-war between someone else’s notions of right and wrong? Well, that was more than I’d asked for.

This is going to sound silly, he says. And I know it’s my fault. But I want my old girlfriend back.

You and me, both, sweetie. I’ll keep looking.